22 october 2010

Like any other day i always check my electronic mail every single morning. And when i signed in,TADAAA..!! I got email from a long long time ago friend,the doctor from India..he asked me to chat but the email was from two days ago and i didnt open the email in that day. So i replied it today and said sorry for not responding fast. It’s just something bothering me when i read the email from him.

I always wonder why he was gone. But today,when i got his email asking for chat, i feel like “i don’t need him now”. It’s not him who i wish for. And i hear the other me said: what the hell is this??you have been looking for him like hell, and when he was there, you said you don’t need him??are you crazy or what???.

That’s the other me,who has a logic thoughts. But deep within me,i don’t need him for talking for now, it’s not him who i ask for.

God,i am sorry,i know this is one of Your plan for me,but i apologize to You, it’s not him who i have been praying for, it’s not him who i have been waiting for to talk to, it’s not him who i have been thinking of everyday and night,no,not him..

I need another one, i need him to be present like before..i miss him like hell!! Gosh!

I know maybe he doesn’t miss me back, but i don’t care..as long as he is happy and healthy, it’s more than good enough for me..

I miss you, whiteskinned guy..i miss your voice, your sweetness, your smile, your laugh, your green eyes altough i can’t see it directly, your silly jokes, your dirty thoughts, your dreaming of me, your asking me to call, your caring, your compliments, your wonderful opinions, your flirts, your stories, your boring nights, your falling asleep habit, your dinner menu, your laundrying time, your virtual hugs and kisses, your words of missing me, your way in looking in my eyes, your EVERYTHING!!! I miss every single thing in you…even your dog,lucky..

I can’t even cry to let it all out..just can’t..

I am sorry, doc..i don’t mean to put you aside, but i need somebody else more than you for now..he has been gone for a month and i feel like for a decade..coz we used to talk almost everyday and now he’s gone..without a single trace..and i miss him so bad it hurts…

Once again, i am so sorry, my doctor..i hope you understand…but anytime you need to talk,i will always try to be there..for you..🙂

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