Today is Your Risen Day. Today is Passover Day.
I hate to remember about the past but I can’t help not to.
I remember that I always have two peak moments in my life that connected to Your special day.
One is Christmas; Your Born day.
Another is Passover; Your Risen day.
Some other years, I pass those days with heartbreak or disappointment or even worse, tears.
Some others, I fill them with smiles and happiness.
And the other years, I pass them with emptiness.
This year, I already have passed those two important days.
And I got mixed feelings after those days.
Today is Passover day.
I was supposed to be full with gratitude since You had been my real Superhero in this world.
I was supposed to be (at least) happy for Your risen.
Maybe I’m just having some wishful thinking for today.
Maybe I shouldn’t have had it.
Not even a little.
I should’ve thank You for giving so much to me.
Even You’ve given Your life.
While me, the one who only think about myself, was hoping for things other than You.
How could I be such a pain in the ass?
Dear God. I apologize to You.
I’m such a moron.
I didn’t pay attention about the Star of the Show today.
I was only thinking about myself.
You were there, waiting for me to turn around.
You were there, watching at my back all the time.
You were there, dear Good God.
And the worst thing is I didn’t even realize that You’ve been there all along.
I apologize, dearest God.
I know I’ve been doing this over and over to You.
Yet I keep repeating my mistakes.
I apologize from the deepest part of my heart.
I know the only thing I can do is crying.
So today, on Your special day, I get another peak moment for my life.
Today, just like some other years, I pass the day with tears.
Tears of regrets and disappointment to myself.
Maybe You ask me to cry more these days since I shouldn’t keep them inside anymore.
Maybe You ask me to pour it out more often.
Dear God. I’ve talked too much.
Now please let me hear Your gentle voice.