Pray Day #14

Dear God
I am here again tonight.
That kind of night when I should have worked on my jobs instead of bubbling here.
That kind of night when I should have done something productive but writing some unimportant words here.
That kind of night when I should have found Your existence as the very first thing for me.

And I failed them. Again.

Dear God.
I am here tonight to assure myself about one thing.
I need Your assurance too as always.
I know it’s already too late.
But it will be much better than never been done.

And I need You for real, this time.

The one thing is : I will let go this feeling.
I will let go every memories in it.
I will let go every sadness.
I will let go every happiness.
I will let go every single thing about it.

I will let them go and put them into Your hand.

All I need to do is coming back to You.
I need to be happy (again) for myself.
I need to be proud of myself (again).
I need to find You for myself (again).
I need to be with You all by myself.

And I want to be with You (again).

I know this will take time like once I did before.
But I believe time will give another healing medicine.
Just like how it has done to me for a few years.
I will (again) be cured.
I will (again) be cleansed.

And I will (again) be recovered.

I know I made this decision only one-sided.
I just don’t know how to make it to be two-sided.
Since I have no idea where the other important person is right now.
I just need to open my eyes for the truth.
And the truth is all Yours.

Maybe I sound so desperate.
Maybe I will be in everyday.
But for now, I want to be happy for myself.
I hate for being sad and gloomy all the time.
I feel like I have been absorbed by Real Dementor.

So for now, I choose to be happy (again).
Just because I love myself so much more than this gloomy world.

Dear God. Please don’t let me sit alone in this decision.

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